In short, Ms. R accused me of murderous intent because of a story I wrote for my Creative Writing Course. The story was about a young girl, Amber who was physically and emotionally neglected. She was the schoolyard bully and widely despised by her classmates. In the final confrontation and culminating act of the story, Twyla (race undefined)--a frequent victim of Amber's--decides to stand up to her. Twyla and Amber begin to argue and soon the rest of the kids circle around them, with most of them cheering Amber on. Suddenly, one young boy, Tommy (race undefined)--also frequently terrorized by Amber--takes a bat and hits Amber over the head and says, "I saw this in a movie once." The story ends with Amber lying dead on the playground. Twyla looks down at the lifeless body and says, "The hatred wasn't worth it."

       The story is a critique of televised and cinematic violence and its affects on children. It was inspired, in part, by the ongoing tragedies of playground shooting occurring around the country.

       This story was not about Ms. R and therefore was never constructed as a threat against her. Amber's physical description, well detailed in my story, is a caricature of a young child with severe skin problems, knotted hair, improper hygiene, who wears old, tattered clothing. She expresses herself with intense forms of anger toward her peers, a tacit indication that she herself has been a victim of emotional and physical abuse at home.

       That Ms. R chose to identify with this character problematically demonstrates how she perceives herself. My story was neither a threat to Ms. R's life nor was it written with any intent to hurt her. Until our Creative Writing course, I had never known Ms. R and she had never known me. Therefore, I can only conclude that her accusations were not only unmerited but also solely premised on her prejudices, stereotypes, and racist paranoia.

       Nevertheless, on the basis of this one story Ms. R became convinced that I desired her dead and was going kill her. Based on this interpretation of my story Ms. R proceeded to discuss my "threat" with her friends and dorm-mates, as well as to e-mail the chair of my department, and to call my professor (who has an unlisted phone number) at home at 12:00am the night she read my story.

       Even though Ms. R's fears were ridiculous and unfounded and her accusations were malicious, unmerited, and defaming Professor Kenney and Dean Hammond had determined that her accusations merited a meeting between the four of us. Though, for me, this meeting was "voluntary" I felt I had no other option but to attend in order to defend my name and reputation from further disparagement. I attended this "voluntary" meeting with Ms. R, Dean Ronald Hammond, and Professor Kenney the following morning. This meeting was held privately and was intended to clarify any misunderstanding about my story.

       Professor Kenny, Dean Hammond and I explained to Ms. R at great length that no threat against her life existed. After our extensive explanations, Ms. R attempted to justify her accusations, insisting that the story was about her and a threat against her. She said, "Amber is my name backwards with an "m," Twyla Sounds like Mayra, Tommy sounds like Randy, and Mrs. Maree, (the school teacher) sounds like Professor Kenney!"

       This response to my story demonstrates how Ms. R racialized the characters to fit her ingrained prejudices. In her accusations, Ms. R singled out Randy and I--two Black students--as the threatening characters. This is particularly significant since none of the characters in my story were assigned racial identities. She herself determined that Twyla and Tommy were children of color. The reality is that Amber is my favorite stone (which I wore on a ring every day to class) and Twyla is the name of one of the protagonists in my favorite Toni Morrison short story, "Recitatif."

       In response to her "rationale" we took the time to explain again to Ms. R that I had no intent to kill her, or reason to waste time threatening her. After this second explanation, Ms. R responded by saying, "OK, but I just want to know (Mayra) if you're going to hurt me." This response and her persistence in depicting me as a violent person, regardless of my assurances outraged me. Her continued accusations conveyed to me that Ms. R did not yet understand the gravity of her actions.

       Although I was still upset about the entire incident, I felt the need to put the occurrences behind me and enjoy my final weeks at Colby. A few weeks later, on the last day of our Creative Writing class, Ms. R gave me a hand-critiqued copy of my story. In accordance with class policy, all stories are returned to the author with helpful comments and criticism. Ms. R's comments, however, were neither helpful nor appropriate. Instead, her "critique" contained the exact same murderous accusations she alleged in our meeting a few weeks ago. Ms. R wrote, "Mayra, I have to tell you when I first read this story, I was VERY scared for my life! .... I was seriously afraid that you or someone else might try to hurt me. And believe me, although writing stories is important to me, my life is much more so!" These words were insulting, as well as cruel reminders of her racist perceptions of me as a threatening killer. The act of handing back my story with her highly inappropriate comments, constituted the third act of racial harassment against me by Ms. R. These are the events (the initial charge, the second verbal charge in the meeting with Dean Hammond and Professor Kenney, and the returned "critique) that led me to pursue a racial harassment case against Ms. R.

       According to the Student Handbook, the College's policy on racial harassment states, "students should not be singled out, in any way...Hostile, intimidating remarks because of race or ethnic origin are provided as examples of the kinds of actions that may constitute harassment under college policy…" (Colby College Handbook, 1997-98, pgs. 96&97). I cannot think of anything more hostile or intimidating than one person accusing another of murderous intent.

       In addition, before Professor Kenney and Dean Hammond assured Ms. R that I intended no threat with my story, Ms. R was prepared to press formal charges against me. She informed all of her friends, my fellow peers, my advisor and Chair of the English department, Cedric Bryant, and my professor of my supposed intentions. Therefore Ms. R's perceptions of me were not contained to a small group of people and spread well beyond the confines of our classroom. According to the Student Handbook, insulting remarks become "harassing" when the victim "experiences a loss of self-esteem" and a "deterioration in the classroom, social, and work place environments." The fact that Ms. R informed several people of my supposed threat against her life led me to experience of a profound degree of humiliation and loss of self-esteem as well as a deterioration in my classroom, social, and work environments. Therefore, under Colby's own policy, Ms. R's actions were not only insulting and insensitive, but constituted harassment.

       In the current social climate, stereotypes of Blacks and other minorities as deviant, criminal people are prevalent. In particular, Blacks as the perpetrators of violence, danger, and hostility against Whites is an ingrained stereotype, just as the stereotypes of Blacks as good dancers and basketball players, as welfare mothers, and victims of fatherless households are ingrained. Since Ms. R did not know me personally the only plausible source of her perception of me--as a violent Black, Puerto Rican woman--could have only stemmed from the myriad of racist stereotypes she had internalized about minorities. These images are racist, demeaning, and dehumanizing and that she had the freedom to use such images to define me, is a form of racial harassment.

Part III

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