Hello, you beautiful class you. It is a pleasure to see you again, virtually speaking. My goodness, you look amazing, [insert your name here]. Have you been working out, [insert your name here]? Because you haven’t aged a day. Now, on to business. Have you read all the other news in this fine magazine? Perused the articles? Because I want you to have absolutely no distractions when you focus on our class. In fact, if you have any outstanding chores that need doing, please do them now. Clean your house. Wash your car. Take the dog for a jog. Then find someplace with no distractions, like a homemade igloo or a sequestered bathroom. This is the news for the Class of ’87. Let everyone stand back in awe at our laudable achievements. * For example, Deborah Gassner’s most recent proud moment “was watching my 9-year-old daughter, Zara, ride her unicycle in the Norwegian Independence Day Parade in Seattle, while her younger sister, Nina, watched from the sidelines while grabbing all of the candy she could muster. [I trust you have an excellent dental plan, Deb.] I’m working as a user experience designer in Seattle. I also make phone dates to talk to Stefanie Greenfield, during which she gives me great advice and makes me laugh, still. Oh yes, and something fun: just saw Jason Crawley ’86 in Portland, Ore.! Had been years and years and was quite wonderful to see him.” * Is that enough news for you? No? So you’re a glutton for this stuff, I see. Well, here at the home office we aim to please: Beth Harrison Cutliffe and her husband, Larry, “are looking forward to visiting Colby in August to attend a family wedding, the second there in as many years. [Thanks for the inspiration, Beth. I’ve been trying to decide where to have my next few marriages. But, um, don’t tell my wife.] The ceremony will take place in the chapel, with the reception held in Cotter Union. I never expected to go to a wedding reception there! We’re facing an empty nest as daughter Jenn heads to Belmont University in Nashville in the fall. Daughter Jessica just finished her sophomore year at Roger Williams University. Unfortunately, no Colby legacy here. Maybe it’ll skip a generation!” [Or maybe they will both suddenly come to their senses and transfer. That happens.] * Okay, that’s more than enough for now. No? Are you insane? You actually want more news? Have you no sense of decorum? Okay, but remember you asked for it: Chris Vickers has been living in Manchester Center, Vt., for the past two years. “It is a beautiful place. Our 16- and 14-year-old boys keep us busy playing basketball, football, and lacrosse. I’m an assistant on the varsity and JV basketball teams. In my spare time I am president and CEO of the Vermont Country Store, and Gina is working with the high school in fundraising and serving on a regional community action board [which is way better than serving on the community inaction board]. I am heading up to Caribou this summer to visit ‘Spud,’ Scott Hunter, who basically controls the legal system north of Bangor, for our 30th high school reunion. [I must remember to steal a car in that town.] * Okay, I’m tapped out. No news left to print. Nada. Rien. Nothing. Ah, but I can see from that look in your eye, that cascading teardrop, that you need one more fix. Okay, because it’s you: Jeff Russell started his own law firm and embarked on a new side career flying airplanes for movies. “I recently decided I might be getting old when my oldest son graduated from high school in June. I suspect my classmates are having similar revelations.” Not so, Jeff. I actually feel younger than ever. Especially after my nap, which takes place just about…zzzzzzzzzzzz.