"Why did the chicken cross the road?"
|
|
The Philosopher's Answer: |
| Plato: For the greater good. |
| Karl Marx: It was a historical
inevitability. |
| Machiavelli: So that its subjects
will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and
courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among
them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue?
In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained. |
| Hippocrates: Because of an excess
of black bile and a deficiency of choleric humour. |
|
Jacques Derrida: Any number of
contending discourses may be discovered within the act of the chicken
crossing the road, and each interpretation is equally valid as the authorial
intent can never be discerned, because structuralism is DEAD, DAMMIT,
DEAD! |
|
Thomas de Torquemada: Give me ten
minutes with the chicken and I'll find out. |
|
Timothy Leary: Because that's the
only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take. |
| Douglas Adams: Forty-two. |
| Nietzsche: Because if you gaze
too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you. |
| B.F. Skinner: Because the external
influences which had pervaded itssensorium from birth had caused it
to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even
while believing these actions to be of its own free will. |
| Carl Jung: The confluence of events
in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross
roads at this historical juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought
such occurrences into being. |
| Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act
in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary
to cross the road. |
| Ludwig Wittgenstein: The possibility
of "crossing" was encoded into the objects "chicken" and "road", and
circumstances came into being which caused the actualization of this
potential occurrence. |
| Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken
crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame
of reference. |
| Aristotle: To actualize its potential.
|
| | Buddha: If you ask this question,
you deny your own chicken-nature. |
| David Hume: Out of custom and habit. |
| Salvador Dali: The Fish. |
| Darwin: It was the logical next
step after coming down from the trees. |
| Emily Dickinson: Because it could
not stop for death. |
| Epicurus: For fun. |
| Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't
cross the road; it transcended it. |
| Johann von Goethe: The eternal
hen-principle made it do it. |
| Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the
rain. |
| Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure
which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast. |
| Jack Nicholson: 'Cause it (censored)
wanted to. That's the (censored) reason. |
| Pyrrho the Skeptic: What road? |
| The Sphinx: You tell me. |
| Henry David Thoreau: To live deliberately
... and suck all the marrow out of life. |
| Howard Cosell: It may very well
have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of
history. An historic, unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to
attempt such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to homo sapien
pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurence. |
| Ronald Reagan: I forget. |
| Mark Twain: The news of its crossing
has been greatly exaggerated. |
| Xeno of Elea: To prove it could
never reach the other side. |
